- The Merovingian, The Matrix
*****
So, I watched Twilight last night. It was about as good as I expected. Nothing spectacular though. Watching it did get me thinking.
In the movie, and book I suppose, Edward and Bella are completely obsessed with each other. One is mesmerized, and the other addicted. I suppose it makes for good movie romance. But the thing that I started thinking about after the movie is, "It doesn't work that way." Actually, it can't work that way. In theory, being so obsessed with a person, to the point of losing yourself in them is a perfectly feasible, romantic idea. But in reality, isn't it completely and utterly unhealthy?
I've heard people tell me that they're waiting for "The One" or that "Mr. Right" or that "spark" or magic, or bombshell to drop and then they'll know. But I read somewhere once, that love doesn't fall like a hammer blow, it creeps in and takes your hand, silently and tenderly, like an old friend. I'm not saying it's wrong to want that "spark" but then, isn't that how a lot of people spend their lives looking for something they never ever find?
In the movie, and book I suppose, Edward and Bella are completely obsessed with each other. One is mesmerized, and the other addicted. I suppose it makes for good movie romance. But the thing that I started thinking about after the movie is, "It doesn't work that way." Actually, it can't work that way. In theory, being so obsessed with a person, to the point of losing yourself in them is a perfectly feasible, romantic idea. But in reality, isn't it completely and utterly unhealthy?
I've heard people tell me that they're waiting for "The One" or that "Mr. Right" or that "spark" or magic, or bombshell to drop and then they'll know. But I read somewhere once, that love doesn't fall like a hammer blow, it creeps in and takes your hand, silently and tenderly, like an old friend. I'm not saying it's wrong to want that "spark" but then, isn't that how a lot of people spend their lives looking for something they never ever find?
*****
"Love is friendship set on fire."
- Jeremy Taylor, English Clergyman
*****
I've been in love. Don't ask me how I know. It's something you just know. In the Matrix, The Oracle tells Neo that, "Being The One is a lot like being in love. No one has to tell you that you are. You simply know it. Through and through." It's a thrillride. Yes it is. It gets your heart pounding, sets you adrenaline rushing, it magnifies every look, every touch, not because your nerves are suddenly more sensitive, but merely because of the close, conspiratorial nature of being in love and being loved back. It's a great feeling. As feelings go, it's one of the best around. But I think it's pretty obvious by now, that feelings can't be trusted. Feelings fade, they fail you at crucial moments.
Love. True love, I think, loving someone with all you have is much much more. It's tempered steel, it's a fire, contained and fed so that it doesn't die but continues burning as brightly as ever. Love is not something magical in and of itself. There's nothing mysterious, or even metaphysical about it. Love, like everything else, is a process. It takes faithfulness, patience, temperance, endurance, self-control, honesty, communication... the list goes on and on. It's giving and giving and giving and giving, and giving some more. Until you forget what belonged to who in the first place.
Love. True love, I think, loving someone with all you have is much much more. It's tempered steel, it's a fire, contained and fed so that it doesn't die but continues burning as brightly as ever. Love is not something magical in and of itself. There's nothing mysterious, or even metaphysical about it. Love, like everything else, is a process. It takes faithfulness, patience, temperance, endurance, self-control, honesty, communication... the list goes on and on. It's giving and giving and giving and giving, and giving some more. Until you forget what belonged to who in the first place.
*****
"Love isn't finding a perfect person, it's seeing an imperfect person perfectly."
- Sam Keen
*****
I suppose what I'm trying to say is, I don't buy into the hype anymore. I understand what love is. And I think what I wanted to convey is that, there are two extremes. On the one hand, you have those who fall into obsession. A mutual state of fawning over each other, where there is no true bond. Where all the staring at each other, and sweet words comes from a mutual attraction. Then there are those who are afraid, because love seems like such a big scary thing. So they hide, and unlike animals who have physical defense mechanisms, humans hide behind philosophies and ideas, and it's far more difficult to calm them and bring them out from behind those.
These scared ones, hide behind ideas that love should strike like lightning. Or that they'll somehow instinctively know when love arrives. Well last night I went to watch Twilight, I went with my friend Soon Seng. As we were walking into the cinema I turned and asked him, "Dude, what row are we in?"
He replied, without looking at the tickets, "Dunno. I'll just feel it when we're there."
So we walked, and walked more in the pitch black cinema. And finally he goes. "Okay, guess I can't feel it."
See, I think people who think they'll just know when love shows it's face are just like that. You can't know. Without communication, without faith, you just can't. No matter how long I've known a person, if the relationship evolves into something else, I'll still never be able to look at them and just know that they love me as I do them. I once said something to my girlfriend, by way of encouragement. We were having a rough time with her parents, and I'd promised we would last forever. (Typical guy promise. I would have kept it, though. But that's another story.) She asked "How?" and I replied, "All it takes, is a little magic."
You know what I was talking about? I wasn't talking about that tingle you get when you hold hands, no. I wasn't talking about the rush you get when you talk to them or see their face. I was talking about a deliberate act of will. A conscious, steadfast decision to make a commitment to someone. When a magician pulls a rabbit out of his hat, or tricks the audience into thinking he's just made a plane disappear, it's a conscious act of will. There is no real magic behind it. The magician decides to cast his illusion. Just as one has to decide to love.
My dad says "Love is a decision. You could go out onto the street and decide to love someone out there right now if you wanted to." Though that may be slightly...extreme ^_^ It sums up the point well enough.
In summary. Love has been made into an over-hyped dream. By movies just like Twilight. In the film, Edward Cullen talks about vampires surviving on animal blood. He says, "It's like a human surviving on tofu. It keeps you strong, but you're never really...satisfied." That's exactly what the dream-love is like. You can think you've found it, you can spend your whole life chasing it, or waiting for it. But in the end you're never truly satisfied. Pastor Judah Smith calls it The Beautiful Affliction. When we're so transfixed by a thing's beauty that we go after it, maybe in the wrong ways sometimes and hurt ourselves.
Dreams are all well and good. But we live in the real world. And here, what dreams may come true? Only the ones we forge for ourselves. There's so much more I could write, but my posts are wordy enough already as it is. So I'll leave you with this.
These scared ones, hide behind ideas that love should strike like lightning. Or that they'll somehow instinctively know when love arrives. Well last night I went to watch Twilight, I went with my friend Soon Seng. As we were walking into the cinema I turned and asked him, "Dude, what row are we in?"
He replied, without looking at the tickets, "Dunno. I'll just feel it when we're there."
So we walked, and walked more in the pitch black cinema. And finally he goes. "Okay, guess I can't feel it."
See, I think people who think they'll just know when love shows it's face are just like that. You can't know. Without communication, without faith, you just can't. No matter how long I've known a person, if the relationship evolves into something else, I'll still never be able to look at them and just know that they love me as I do them. I once said something to my girlfriend, by way of encouragement. We were having a rough time with her parents, and I'd promised we would last forever. (Typical guy promise. I would have kept it, though. But that's another story.) She asked "How?" and I replied, "All it takes, is a little magic."
You know what I was talking about? I wasn't talking about that tingle you get when you hold hands, no. I wasn't talking about the rush you get when you talk to them or see their face. I was talking about a deliberate act of will. A conscious, steadfast decision to make a commitment to someone. When a magician pulls a rabbit out of his hat, or tricks the audience into thinking he's just made a plane disappear, it's a conscious act of will. There is no real magic behind it. The magician decides to cast his illusion. Just as one has to decide to love.
My dad says "Love is a decision. You could go out onto the street and decide to love someone out there right now if you wanted to." Though that may be slightly...extreme ^_^ It sums up the point well enough.
In summary. Love has been made into an over-hyped dream. By movies just like Twilight. In the film, Edward Cullen talks about vampires surviving on animal blood. He says, "It's like a human surviving on tofu. It keeps you strong, but you're never really...satisfied." That's exactly what the dream-love is like. You can think you've found it, you can spend your whole life chasing it, or waiting for it. But in the end you're never truly satisfied. Pastor Judah Smith calls it The Beautiful Affliction. When we're so transfixed by a thing's beauty that we go after it, maybe in the wrong ways sometimes and hurt ourselves.
Dreams are all well and good. But we live in the real world. And here, what dreams may come true? Only the ones we forge for ourselves. There's so much more I could write, but my posts are wordy enough already as it is. So I'll leave you with this.
*****
"We are all a little weird,
And life's a little weird,
And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours,
We join up with them and fall into a mutual weirdness,
And call it Love."
- Author Unknown
*****
There's no magic, but the magic we make.
Jared
Jared
4 comments:
jared, joyce from ywc here. your writing is amazing and i really enjoy and appreciate it. it reflects some of my thoughts in which i find it hard to put down in words. i admire your maturity at the mere age of 17. im learning so much just from reading the blogs of ywcers. take care. ;)
That's really nice. It sounds like you know it in your head. But may not be so easy you know. Anyway, I agree with you completely. How many times have I heard other couples quarreling and complaining about the pettiest things? Sometimes, all it takes is tolerance, forgiveness, compassion and determination.
Joyce: Thanks Joyce. I don't really think I'm all that mature. >_> I can be a real freak sometimes. But then, we're all products of our experiences right? I wouldn't say it maturity, it's just that I've had enought bad experiences to know one or two things. Yeah. I've been around the block one or two times. :D Thanks for reading!
Lisa: I try to live out my ideals to the best of my ability. You're right, it's hard sometimes and it's easy to fail. But that's what being an idealist is all about. Holding fast to your ideals. "Shoot for the moon, if you miss you'll land among the stars." No? ^_^
Well, that's a double edged sword. I mean, I think that couples who don't ever have quarrels or arguments are freaks. I mean, it's a natural state. You're taking two essentially different and unique beings and putting them together. And while there will be aspects of each other that draw them together, like magnets, on the flipside there are probably aspects that will repel them as well, you know? Arguing isn't always a sure sign. But I know what you're getting at. Sometimes arguing is all there is to it and if they'd just chill for a sec things'd all work out. ^_^
Thanks for commenting!
well, all of us are freaks occasionally. it'd be boring to always be mature right? we need to have fun, forget about acting our age and goof around once in a while. hehe. alright, don't call it maturity, call it products of your experiences. it's probably because i've yet to experience any of these so i can never imagine myself writing something like that. but i do totally agree with what you say. and i'm learning from other people's experiences too. lisa, the world would be a much better place if everyone had a bit more of the qualities that you listed. ;)
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