I don't know exactly. But I'm scared. I don't know what's going to happen to me, or anyone I care about. Whether we'll even still like each other years from now. It's all so much bigger than me, and it isn't an entirely comfortable feeling. Who am I kidding, it's an entirely uncomfortable feeling.
It feels like I'm at a crossroads and everything is ending, and new things are beginning and I don't know which way I should go or even if I'm on the right road. Tings are going to change, and everything's becoming unfamiliar, new and frightening. I was talking to my cousin, Daniel tonight, and realize that everyone is scared of the future. Nothing scares us more than not knowing. The uncertainty is maddening.
Imagine a steam engine rushing toward you. Now imagine not knowing whether it's really going to hit you or not. You freeze in place, the brakes slam on and you just stare, waiting helplessly for your fate to be decided. That's sort of what I feel like right now. The concept of the future is so much bigger than I ever thought it would be. So much bigger than me. And it doesn't seem nearly as simple as it used to. There's so much room for success or failure. And the thing is, it's so much easier to fail. Even people who give their all don't always make it. And that's the kind of thought that makes the prospect of having to grow up and walk into the big bad world all by yourself just that much more frightening.
Sometimes I wonder if everything really is going to be alright. Because sometimes it feels like things are changing too fast that they could never settle into any semblance of normal. Then I have to remember to believe. There's not a lot of things I believe in nowadays. I decided to give a lot of them up, because they're unrealistic. I can't believe in people anymore, I can't believe in simplicity, or luck. But I have to believe in the future. I have to believe that things won't always be this way, and that, scary as it is, the future holds something bright and worthwhile in store for me.
That having been said. It doesn't make the future any less scary.
Am I scared? Hell yes. Always.
I'm tired of dream castles.
Jared
It feels like I'm at a crossroads and everything is ending, and new things are beginning and I don't know which way I should go or even if I'm on the right road. Tings are going to change, and everything's becoming unfamiliar, new and frightening. I was talking to my cousin, Daniel tonight, and realize that everyone is scared of the future. Nothing scares us more than not knowing. The uncertainty is maddening.
Imagine a steam engine rushing toward you. Now imagine not knowing whether it's really going to hit you or not. You freeze in place, the brakes slam on and you just stare, waiting helplessly for your fate to be decided. That's sort of what I feel like right now. The concept of the future is so much bigger than I ever thought it would be. So much bigger than me. And it doesn't seem nearly as simple as it used to. There's so much room for success or failure. And the thing is, it's so much easier to fail. Even people who give their all don't always make it. And that's the kind of thought that makes the prospect of having to grow up and walk into the big bad world all by yourself just that much more frightening.
Sometimes I wonder if everything really is going to be alright. Because sometimes it feels like things are changing too fast that they could never settle into any semblance of normal. Then I have to remember to believe. There's not a lot of things I believe in nowadays. I decided to give a lot of them up, because they're unrealistic. I can't believe in people anymore, I can't believe in simplicity, or luck. But I have to believe in the future. I have to believe that things won't always be this way, and that, scary as it is, the future holds something bright and worthwhile in store for me.
That having been said. It doesn't make the future any less scary.
Am I scared? Hell yes. Always.
I'm tired of dream castles.
Jared
1 comment:
Son,
Today or yesterday, as yesterday and today blurs into one when you are on the road all the while, but I digress, and... so early into my comment.
Anyway, in Melaka I met 3 young people, not unlike yourself, 2 were 19 and the other 18. The two 19's felt they are exactly in the same place like you but the 18 knew what SHE wanted to do, was very clear and settled.
I gave them the same advice I'm gonna give you now.
At your age, with so little experience to fall back on, in regards to the "big bad world" - how would you all not feel confused?
To try and tackle the issues you are facing right now with the life experience you now have, is something that is logically impossible because you have not acquired the experiences to handle it.
So you have 2 choices:
1. meet with older (and here I mean adults) who can and are willing to understand your situation and help you move on ONLY because they are older and HAVE been through the experiences
2. read books written by people who can help you in the area you WANT to be helped
Both these methods will ENSURE that younger people can find the paths to the answers.
Then you have to learn up the necessary skills and understand other people and how to utilise both to bring clarity to each situation.
Ultimately, we don't live our lives reacting to the situations around us. That would be too random. It would be like going to an empty plot of land and bringing a load of bricks, cement and sand, then laying one brick upon another and then taking a step back looking at what you've put together, deciding you don't like it, kick it down and try again... seems ludicrous and truly futile when approaching life like that, and yet many people live their lives in such a manner.
Instead, what a person would do is, look at the empty plot of land, go back, imagine what sort of building would look nice there, then get a the design drawn up, put together a plan, a budget, the skills required, etc. etc. then only order the materials and start building, brick upon brick.
The secret to life is seeing the picture you want FIRST and then taking time to put in on paper and plan it all out, taking in all angles, playing out different scenarios to get to the next step (in case the 1st scenario doesn't work), until finally you get the picture you first saw.
My personal opinion is that whatever picture you decide is up to you, but the discipline of planning and executing on the written plan is what matters, because it keeps us on track and going forward all the time.
The discipline and the experiences acquired through this process with help a person tremendously in reaching their version of success, but it is a process, not a quickfix.
The above formula will guarantee that you never have to feel helpless and confused in life, cos you're following a plan that YOU formulated to get you to where you want.
A good book to help get young people started is John Maxwell's "Your Roadmap For Success" - try reading it!
Now... this doesn't mean that everything will go smoothly but ... Hey! Life's Like That!!
Dad
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