Threnody

A Threnody is a hymn of mourning. Though I'm no good at writing songs I can crystallize this feeling in poetry for tonight. But I get the feeling that this will be a long poem. Before that though, a quote.

"Dreams and make-believes are all very well in the daytime and sunshine, but when dark and storm come they fail to satisfy. One wants real things then." - Ms. Lavender Lewis, Anne of Avonlea

Here we go:

Threnody

Tonight the sky seems darker,
The night stretches far too long,
The stars hide behind wispy cloud,
As we try hard to be strong,

We try to shut our eyes so tight,
Against the tears that threaten so,
To spill and roll upon our cheeks,
For life has brought us low,

We search all of us humans now,
For things to make us whole,
To fill that space within ourselves,
Which pains our very soul,

For while the day may hold its dreams,
The night holds naught but fear,
'Cause when the bright sun hides his face,
All hope must disappear,

And while we reach for love so sweet,
We never must forget,
That all the pain we hold so dear,
Is only part of what comes next,

So I would like to urge you,
To perhaps think once again,
About the chance of happiness,
That we sought out through the rain,

But our roads lay divided,
And divided they may stay,
For we each have our own set path,
And I know you will not stray,

I love you as the sea loves shores,
And as the sun adores the moon,
I love you more with every breath,
Though we may well part soon,

Together though we never were,
I will hold fast to my dreams,
For in my dreams I have your love,
Though twisted things may seem,

And so I sit here night by night,
And write these lines to you,
For verses are all I can give,
Only you will I give them to,

Now I close my tired eyes,
And hear the melody,
Not of your voice as I so wish,
But of this gentle threnody

I spoke my mind. I gave my all. In the words of Count Adhemar in A Knight's Tale, "I have been weighed, I have been measured, and I have been found wanting." It's easy to talk of hope and things in the daytime when everything's bright and happy. But at night, I think these are the only types of posts I'm capable of. Or maybe it's only this night.

Dear You,

I am not hurt. And I do not blame you. As I said, you can't help being who you are, and none of it is therefore, any fault of yours. I simply want to say that, I wouldn't have done it differently at all. Not one step in the development of our acquaintance. I hesitate to call it a relationship as some might take it the wrong way. As you can see, the big words materialize. But it is none of your doing, the blame lies with me.

I should have known better. And I should have been perhaps, less stubborn and more prudent. And then maybe I would have saved us both some grief. As it is, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you hurt and I'm unable to do anything about it. I'm sorry I added to it so callously, thinking only of myself. I'm sorry that I cannot make you see just how beautiful you truly are. Because yes, I do think you're beautiful though I would hardly dare tell you before. I doubt it matters at this point.

I don't know what happens tomorrow. I don't know if we simply get up and continue as if nothing had ever happened, or if you're going to hide yourself away. But I wouldn't care what the outcome as long as I knew that you'd one day catch a glimpse of what I see in you. You say I think too much, and maybe you're right. Maybe I am too melodramatic for my own good. But then, in a world where reality differs only in its shades of grey, what more can we cling to than dreams and drama?

Honestly. I wish things were different. With all I have inside I do. As it is, I don't know where things stand, but I have a pretty good idea, you know? I wish so fervently that I could have done something, been better at something, changed something about myself to be what you needed. And while it's strange, I find that I've grown attached to you. Probably far more so than is healthy for me. I read that "It isn't right to set your heart so on another mortal being." But with you? Who could help themselves? I don't regret. Not a thing. But if there is some alternate reality where it had worked differently, I wish I could switch places with my alternate.

As the sun loves the moon and the sea loves the shore,
As rivers love the rocks and trees love the earth,
Though it probably isn't healthy for me at all.

I love you, for always,
Jared