I like to dissect old adages like these. It's really funny how tings can contradict themselves so blatantly sometimes. For example, the statements "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" and "Out of sight out of mind" don't exactly play together very well. But people toss them around easily. Another adage which is just as common is this "All's fair in love and war" nonsense. Let's take a moment to think about the implications of this statement, shall we?
The statement implies that love (or the pursuit thereof, I suppose) is just as fair in its execution as war (or the pursuit thereof.) But let's analyze this shall we. In the past century, there have been several wars of note. World Wars I and II, The Vietnam War, The Boer War, and The Cold War. All fought for either land, supremacy, or to settle some trivial matter of a difference in race or caste, sure they were bottled with the words "freedom" and "equality." But when it's all over it's really all about flexing muscle. I was watching some war movie recently and a general had just won a victory. One of his men came up to him and congratulated him on it. The conversation went like this.
Soldier - "Congratulations sir, you are truly a great general. Your victory is complete."
General - "A great general would have found a way not to have to fight a war."
Not their exact words, but a reasonable facsimile. But I digress. What's fair about war? What is noble, or pure, or honorable. It's true that in a time of war, men have to band together and yeah, great feats of bravery, or nobility can be performed. But what is at all noble about the act itself, what sets apart a fight where men slaughter other men for twisted ideals, from a brawl between lions on the Savanna? There's nothing cool about it, nothing fair, nothing pure. It's blood and carnage and pain.
What part of the savagery that humanity has labeled "war" can be likened to love? I mean okay, you could if you really wanted to. Love is hard work, it's a fight, it's pain and sacrifice for an ultimate goal. But that's stretching it a little bit. I think love isn't such hard work. Or, it shouldn't be anyway.
I've heard a lot of things about love. Lots of definitions and such. But the one I held fast to was that love is a decision that you make. And nothing's fair about it. I mean what's fair about having to put up with a person for the rest of your life even when they annoy the heck out of you? Logically speaking, there isn't anything fair about it. Why should you have to, right? But then, that's the thing, love isn't fair. But that's pretty much the beauty of it, I'd say. Nothing about love makes sense, nothing about it is logical or easy.
The moment when you decide that yes, this is the person for you, or when you decide not to scream at your sister for being MEGA aggravating, or when you decide not to sneak out that Saturday night because you love your parents. Nothing exactly makes sense about it.
Which is probably the whole fallacy of the argument that the old adage presents. Neither love nor war is fair, neither makes sense. You can't CHOOSE what war you fight in if you get enlisted. You can't CHOOSE just to not love someone, it's not easy, or comfortable. Love and war are uncomfortable to the extreme. They don't work to make you feel good.
If love and war have something in common it's definitely not being fair. It's that they're both difficult choices that need to be made to reach a pure aim. (Or what should be a pure aim, anyways.) In a war, you can't tell who's the good guy or who's the bad guy, both sides fight for aims that they believe in so passionately, that they would lay down their lives for it. How can you fault the one side merely because what they believe may not seem the best of options at the time?
The redeeming quality of love, I think. Is that it pays off. It's not a comfortable thing. Oh, I know just how uncomfortable it is. And it's not a safe thing, or an easy thing. It's hard work. But the thing is, with love, you can't go wrong with the goal. (Well, I don't think you can. Maybe you could if you tried hard enough? But that's a different story.) In the end, when you reach it, all you gain is fulfillment. And it's sweet. It seems to make up for all the neurosis you wasted at the beginning. The worrying about whether she'd like you back, or whether you're coming on too strong, or whether she's really the right one. None of it matters in the end, because the hard work that love is, pays off more than a person could possibly imagine.
War has no such payoff. War breaks men. Gulf War Syndrome, survivor's guilt, nerve gasses, radiation poisoning. War is senseless.
Love at least has a point. Or at least, let me believe so. Because the alternative, doesn't bear thinking about. ;)
Beaucoup d'amour,
Jared
The statement implies that love (or the pursuit thereof, I suppose) is just as fair in its execution as war (or the pursuit thereof.) But let's analyze this shall we. In the past century, there have been several wars of note. World Wars I and II, The Vietnam War, The Boer War, and The Cold War. All fought for either land, supremacy, or to settle some trivial matter of a difference in race or caste, sure they were bottled with the words "freedom" and "equality." But when it's all over it's really all about flexing muscle. I was watching some war movie recently and a general had just won a victory. One of his men came up to him and congratulated him on it. The conversation went like this.
Soldier - "Congratulations sir, you are truly a great general. Your victory is complete."
General - "A great general would have found a way not to have to fight a war."
Not their exact words, but a reasonable facsimile. But I digress. What's fair about war? What is noble, or pure, or honorable. It's true that in a time of war, men have to band together and yeah, great feats of bravery, or nobility can be performed. But what is at all noble about the act itself, what sets apart a fight where men slaughter other men for twisted ideals, from a brawl between lions on the Savanna? There's nothing cool about it, nothing fair, nothing pure. It's blood and carnage and pain.
What part of the savagery that humanity has labeled "war" can be likened to love? I mean okay, you could if you really wanted to. Love is hard work, it's a fight, it's pain and sacrifice for an ultimate goal. But that's stretching it a little bit. I think love isn't such hard work. Or, it shouldn't be anyway.
I've heard a lot of things about love. Lots of definitions and such. But the one I held fast to was that love is a decision that you make. And nothing's fair about it. I mean what's fair about having to put up with a person for the rest of your life even when they annoy the heck out of you? Logically speaking, there isn't anything fair about it. Why should you have to, right? But then, that's the thing, love isn't fair. But that's pretty much the beauty of it, I'd say. Nothing about love makes sense, nothing about it is logical or easy.
The moment when you decide that yes, this is the person for you, or when you decide not to scream at your sister for being MEGA aggravating, or when you decide not to sneak out that Saturday night because you love your parents. Nothing exactly makes sense about it.
Which is probably the whole fallacy of the argument that the old adage presents. Neither love nor war is fair, neither makes sense. You can't CHOOSE what war you fight in if you get enlisted. You can't CHOOSE just to not love someone, it's not easy, or comfortable. Love and war are uncomfortable to the extreme. They don't work to make you feel good.
If love and war have something in common it's definitely not being fair. It's that they're both difficult choices that need to be made to reach a pure aim. (Or what should be a pure aim, anyways.) In a war, you can't tell who's the good guy or who's the bad guy, both sides fight for aims that they believe in so passionately, that they would lay down their lives for it. How can you fault the one side merely because what they believe may not seem the best of options at the time?
The redeeming quality of love, I think. Is that it pays off. It's not a comfortable thing. Oh, I know just how uncomfortable it is. And it's not a safe thing, or an easy thing. It's hard work. But the thing is, with love, you can't go wrong with the goal. (Well, I don't think you can. Maybe you could if you tried hard enough? But that's a different story.) In the end, when you reach it, all you gain is fulfillment. And it's sweet. It seems to make up for all the neurosis you wasted at the beginning. The worrying about whether she'd like you back, or whether you're coming on too strong, or whether she's really the right one. None of it matters in the end, because the hard work that love is, pays off more than a person could possibly imagine.
War has no such payoff. War breaks men. Gulf War Syndrome, survivor's guilt, nerve gasses, radiation poisoning. War is senseless.
Love at least has a point. Or at least, let me believe so. Because the alternative, doesn't bear thinking about. ;)
Beaucoup d'amour,
Jared
1 comment:
Son,
This idiom/statement/quote actually is suggesting that during an episode of a love affair or an episode of war, anything that is done to the other party is fair or really that there are no rules... just doing what we need to do to get it done.
It sucks, but Hey! Life's like that!
Dad
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