But I gotta do what's best for me,
You'll be okay,
I've got to move on and be who I am,
I just don't belong here I hope you understand,
We might find a place in this world someday,
But at least for now,
I gotta go my own way
- Vanessa Anne Hudgens, Gotta Go My Own Way
*****
Okay, the HSM series was lame. But some of the songs were nice! Sue me, I liked them. First and foremost all you people reading this.
I love you. :D Because that's what today is all about.
I don't have much to say tonight. But In the 12 or so hours since my last post I've come to an epiphany. Of sorts anyway. I was reading "Wild At Heart" by John Eldredge again. The book about men. It's seriously awesome. If I was gonna quote all the parts that I liked from it I'd probably have to quote like... 3/4 of the book. So I won't. But let me say what struck me while I was at McDonald's with Anne tonight.
We were talking about this girl right? And Anne says to me "Are you still on her? Come on, for-get about her man!" And I was like silent for a moment. And at that exact moment in John Eldredge's book he was talking about how if you want to recapture your heart you have to fight. And the first step to the fight is in your head. He was also talking about how men, when they feel less than men, when they are afraid that their all isn't enough will seek the validation they didn't get from their fathers or from their friends or whatever. Usually this leads them into a search for a beauty to fight for. And he says something I absolutely LOVE. He says that "While feminity can arouse masculinity, it can never bestow masculinity."
Basically he says that a lot of men look for a woman to validate themselves because they don't feel like real men. And sadly enough I can identify. But he says that something like that can't last because while the man's masculinity may be aroused for awhile, after awhile it dies off and his Beauty is left wholly unsatisfied wondering where the passion went. Of course this got me thinking about myself and my reason's for chasing my Beauty.
You see, this is my view. If I love a person, I want to give them the best of me. I don't want a person to be left wondering where the passion went halfway through. So I've decided, my Beauty to fight for can wait. At least until I'm strong enough to fight properly. I also know that letting go is one step, one swing of my sword in the battle. I want to reclaim the heart that I was supposed to have, before I give it to someone again. Reading this book makes you want to be crazy. (In a good way. I'm plenty crazy in all the other ways already. They're not necessarily bad but.... yeah, shutting up now.)
I'm letting go for now. I can't fight for my heart and try to give it away at the same time. It doesn't make sense. And I don't think it's physically, or emotionally possible anyway. I want to know that I'm the way I was meant to be before I try and become a part of this whole other entity. I don't how long it's going to take. But hopefully I'll be a better person at the end of it.
That doesn't mean I don't like that girl anymore. At least, I don't think it does, ahaha. But I cannot, cannot make her my focus. At least, not until I have my head (and heart) in the right place. It doesn't mean I feel any less strongly about her, doesn't even mean I'm not jealous of her stupid Korean boy anymore. But! I will be the absolute best I can be. (Then that Korean boy is gonna look so useless to her. Hahahaha! Kidding. >_> Sort of. :D)
That's all for tonight I think. In summary?
I'm going to reclaim my heart. The heart I was meant to have from the start. It's something fierce and dangerous, the heart of a warrior. The heart that I've been denied by my circumstances, by the environments I've grown up in. I'm gonna get it back (Or find it, either or.) Then I'll be back.
If you have NO idea what I'm going on about I really really recommend you read "Wild At Heart" by John Eldredge. Seriously, it's gonna change my life.
Jared
P.S. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. Happy Valentine's Day (again). I hate your Korean boy. ^_^ But I'm going to stop bugging you. And I'm going to back off. And we're gonna be good friends. 'Kay? And when I'm all good and proper, I'll be back for you! (Not in a stalkerish way or anything. You know what I mean.)
Ahaha. My feelings for you haven't disappeared. But I'm putting them on the backburner for now. I'll come back to them, though. And if you're not around then. Well like you say "Maybe it wasn't our fate." ^_^ Now for the last time in what could be a long time,
I love you.
Jared
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
I love you. :D Because that's what today is all about.
I don't have much to say tonight. But In the 12 or so hours since my last post I've come to an epiphany. Of sorts anyway. I was reading "Wild At Heart" by John Eldredge again. The book about men. It's seriously awesome. If I was gonna quote all the parts that I liked from it I'd probably have to quote like... 3/4 of the book. So I won't. But let me say what struck me while I was at McDonald's with Anne tonight.
We were talking about this girl right? And Anne says to me "Are you still on her? Come on, for-get about her man!" And I was like silent for a moment. And at that exact moment in John Eldredge's book he was talking about how if you want to recapture your heart you have to fight. And the first step to the fight is in your head. He was also talking about how men, when they feel less than men, when they are afraid that their all isn't enough will seek the validation they didn't get from their fathers or from their friends or whatever. Usually this leads them into a search for a beauty to fight for. And he says something I absolutely LOVE. He says that "While feminity can arouse masculinity, it can never bestow masculinity."
Basically he says that a lot of men look for a woman to validate themselves because they don't feel like real men. And sadly enough I can identify. But he says that something like that can't last because while the man's masculinity may be aroused for awhile, after awhile it dies off and his Beauty is left wholly unsatisfied wondering where the passion went. Of course this got me thinking about myself and my reason's for chasing my Beauty.
You see, this is my view. If I love a person, I want to give them the best of me. I don't want a person to be left wondering where the passion went halfway through. So I've decided, my Beauty to fight for can wait. At least until I'm strong enough to fight properly. I also know that letting go is one step, one swing of my sword in the battle. I want to reclaim the heart that I was supposed to have, before I give it to someone again. Reading this book makes you want to be crazy. (In a good way. I'm plenty crazy in all the other ways already. They're not necessarily bad but.... yeah, shutting up now.)
I'm letting go for now. I can't fight for my heart and try to give it away at the same time. It doesn't make sense. And I don't think it's physically, or emotionally possible anyway. I want to know that I'm the way I was meant to be before I try and become a part of this whole other entity. I don't how long it's going to take. But hopefully I'll be a better person at the end of it.
That doesn't mean I don't like that girl anymore. At least, I don't think it does, ahaha. But I cannot, cannot make her my focus. At least, not until I have my head (and heart) in the right place. It doesn't mean I feel any less strongly about her, doesn't even mean I'm not jealous of her stupid Korean boy anymore. But! I will be the absolute best I can be. (Then that Korean boy is gonna look so useless to her. Hahahaha! Kidding. >_> Sort of. :D)
That's all for tonight I think. In summary?
I'm going to reclaim my heart. The heart I was meant to have from the start. It's something fierce and dangerous, the heart of a warrior. The heart that I've been denied by my circumstances, by the environments I've grown up in. I'm gonna get it back (Or find it, either or.) Then I'll be back.
If you have NO idea what I'm going on about I really really recommend you read "Wild At Heart" by John Eldredge. Seriously, it's gonna change my life.
Jared
P.S. IloveyouIloveyouIloveyou. Happy Valentine's Day (again). I hate your Korean boy. ^_^ But I'm going to stop bugging you. And I'm going to back off. And we're gonna be good friends. 'Kay? And when I'm all good and proper, I'll be back for you! (Not in a stalkerish way or anything. You know what I mean.)
Ahaha. My feelings for you haven't disappeared. But I'm putting them on the backburner for now. I'll come back to them, though. And if you're not around then. Well like you say "Maybe it wasn't our fate." ^_^ Now for the last time in what could be a long time,
I love you.
Jared
*****
You always dress in yellow,
When you wanna dress in gold,
Instead of listening to your heart,
You do just what you're told,
If you keep waiting where you are,
What you'll never know,
So let's just get into your car,
And go baby go
Why not take a crazy chance,
Why not do a crazy dance,
If you lose the moment,
You may lose a lot
So why not?
Why not?
Oh, I could be the one for you,
Oh yeah, maybe yes maybe no,
Oh, it could be the thing to do,
What I'm saying is you gotta let me know
You'll never get Heaven,
Or even to L.A.
If you don't believe there's a way
- Hilary Duff, Why Not
1 comment:
I LOVE HSM songs...teehee XD
Watched HSM3 yet? "Can I Have This Dance?" is awesome. Listen to it. :P
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